why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
