so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize