You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
