look no pants
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
