Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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