tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
