I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
