The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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