Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
