Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
