I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
