There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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