well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
