so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
