We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
