he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
