Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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