just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
