Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
