mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
