she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
