five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
