i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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