I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
