I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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