I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
