just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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