normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
