I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
