and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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