Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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