two words: eviction party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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