I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
