Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize