can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
