I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
