how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have already put on my inside pants.
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