Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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