He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
