she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
