when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
