my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
