He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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