I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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