I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
