I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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