you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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