James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so much tequila, so little girl.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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