You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
