Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
