haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
