then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
