I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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