I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
