I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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