He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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