Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
