It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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