Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize