i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
