idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
