return my video game
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
