Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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