You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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