took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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