I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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