Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
