I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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