the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize